Everything is perfect exactly as it is. I have had the opportunity to lead among all sorts of people for a number of years including those strong-willed types that keep me on my toes. And please always, always remember: your child will achieve strong independence and self-motivation in adulthood if you help him cultivate those skills in childhood through conversation and teaching self-imposed limits, instead of using threats of punishment to break his spirit and encourage blind obedience. It was scary to admit it, but I soon learned that trading war stories and survival tricks created more trust than any façade of expertise ever could have! After all, I only have to stay in the same room with them 20 or 30 minutes at a time. These little beings need your every waking moment and if you set an immovable boundary they just laugh and scale that wall. At times, the fact that your child has compelled you to confront your own controlling nature can be considered a blessing. So don't be surprised when your child recalls that one time you let him eat ice cream for breakfast or the one time you justified lying because you didn't want to pay for the ticket into the zoo even though he was too old to get a free ticket.
To dig deeper and find the underlying message, start by looking at the three basic needs all kids have: power, experience and connection. Part of my childhood is that I failed and I learned from that. You have to be strong-willed to stand up for what you believe in during difficult situations. And frankly, all of that arguing has left you exhausted. Like the author of this wonderful post said, it's not about breaking the child's will. I loved your point about choosing your battles and hitting the rewind button—such great advice! It would help to empathize with your child, give choices and make your child feel respected.
We, too, have a strong willed child 11 year old and it can be very frustrating when he wont listen to the people who love him and are trying to help him. Be sure to affirm and appreciate them at such times. In fact, a published in Developmental Psychology found that kids who break the rules become some of the highest income earners as adults. It does not matter how relevant your request is. When a strong-willed child is engrossed in an activity, their only priority is to see it through. An extreme example in history is what happened or failed to happen to the conscience of the German nation during the Holocaust.
He then followed with I spoke to myself and did not tell anyone. I have fallen down this slippery slope too. It takes more time for them because of their personality, but they are able to get there if we focus our efforts in the right direction. Once a mother, these battles raged within me. I used to be the top 2 commenters. Strong willed child is very smart, they keep researching your weakness, and keeping poking you until you break down, then she will win.
So why does everyone tell you to pick your battles? Thanks so much for commenting and relating to this post about parenting a strong-willed child. He is very smart which does not help the whole situation at all. If she insists not going to school, i will carry her to the school despite she screaming. The will is different from the spirit of the child. It can often feel like a curse to have a stubborn and willful child, but it forces us to remember that the greatest gifts in life many times come through struggle and adversity, and we count our child as one of these gifts. All strong-willed children desperately crave personal autonomy.
Being willing to do this, to review the boundaries and rules as often as necessary, actually decreases the level of disconnect with these individuals significantly. Their first, second and third words are: no, no and no again. The Narrator Technique, The Limit Setting Technique at least the first part of it and The Emotion Coach Technique are all helpful techniques for this age group. They need a drink, then another and another. This means that they will fight you to get it. Praise and appreciate good behaviour Be aware of what gets your attention, and therefore, could be perceived by your child as a reward — such as whining, crying, nagging, and yelling.
Be honest: Are you strong-willed? I parented an extremely strong willed child. It also serves as a handy reminder to be open-minded when tempted to judge the parenting of others. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist at Columbia University, explains that strong-willed children those who are described as spirited, headstrong, rambunctious, and even courageous are usually self-motivated and inner-directed, and often grow into leaders as adults. It says that, when children are in the heat of the moment, their emotional right brain is taking over their logic. I work everyday with him everyday. For a great resource on parenting a strong-willed child in a positive way, read.
Finally past the stage, my husband and I were starting to look up and onward. All people are different and personalities start to display at young ages. Our daughter was 4 hours old when I saw what she was capable of. If she can get away with things that she does not want to do by throwing a tantrum, it will become her way of dealing with you, more and more tantrum are on the way. Our children just feel differently about strict rules and listening to others. So when there are chores left undone or promises unfulfilled, Tobias recommends approaching the issue as a problem to be solved together.
A strong-willed person may say they respect someone else, but only if they earn that respect by meeting some criteria that the strong-willed person holds in principle. He will be successful in whatever he decides to do. Expect this same sentiment from most Millenials, not just the strong willed ones. A quick find and replace mom with parent and you should be fine. Lean into not away from difficult behavior. When I was younger, my favorite times during the school day were recess and free choice.
Print it out and keep it on your fridge. My son was flat out just ignoring our voices. But a child being strong-willed can end up being a problem if it is interfering with the child's ability to function at school or at home. Which in my point of view is the most important. Parenting a strong-willed kid is not for the weary, and it takes teamwork. No meant no even when my sister tried to agrue it into the ground.