Thank you for showing me how to return to Him, to love Him better, by locking arms with all of you. My mind is quieter that way. Oh and lets not forget Funny one this. He colicked shortly after arriving and when he was turned out for recovery he tried to run through the post and rail managing to impale himself in the chest. I reluctantly made it through college, but I graduated.
I did as a middle schooler, and if anything, I love them more now. It has something to do with a project in Pilipino we are to work together. We both loved Diet Coke and were bored by our classes. All in the zippered recesses of a slouchy brown compartment on two floppy, shoulder-carry handles. You have encouraged me throughout the years in theology and things like that. Why do we feel like we have to put outside things we like to do so we can pursue our career? White and blue were his favorite colors and they suited him well.
I tried to keep this love affair a secret, but it was written all over my face. He was a senior in high school; I was a sophomore. But I put it on hold for a time so that I can live. From British Rock to Motown, he was influenced by , Led Zeppelin, Genesis, The Rolling Stones, Deep Purple, Smokey Robinson, The Temptations, and Marvin Gaye, etc. I got a phone call from someone the other day.
So here is my hope for this next year Lord. July 27, 2008 was the date that my only, and older, brother died at age 42. But I return to this arc of development again and again during holiday seasons almost as an act of penitence. He was my perfect puzzle piece: an over-thinker, a relentless inspiration-seeker, forever a solitary explorer,believing that life is meant for loving,and happiness is meant for sharing. I remember the future, potential and a family we envisioned. I was in a grocery store alone when I got a phone call from some number I did not know. I tend to look at both of them as two very lost individuals who only need a little nudge from someone stable and level-headed like me haha- only kidding, I am definitely not the one for the job because it would in fact require me to be stable and level-headed.
Sometimes I wrote about what my mom or sister did to make me mad. We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. And it always has been. The realization of that victory may only come in fleeting glimpses. He touched my soul so deeply that I was completely vulnerable to his grasp, which was always tender and caring.
I often felt different and inferior to other children, especially in the areas of academics and sports. I mean I contributed just as much to the unhealthiness as he did, if not more. Middle school in consumerist suburbia is weird that way. Smiles that I had never even seen were formed. And many more up and coming stars for the year to come.
The light you have shined on my road has continually pointed me in the direction of what was best, but not necessarily easiest or most expedient. But what is this urge to let him back into my life and simply catch up with him? Even though I only get to visit my parents once or twice a year, my first pony, Billy, still recognised me when I called his name. He wants to take away that pain that seems to keep coming back to taunt you. I believe but not like I used to. When I learned to truly love myself and put the same efforts into loving myself as I would another person, I blossomed. We started meeting up for chats and exchanged lengthy emails about music, friends, college, and things we hoped and dreamed about.
It is time for me to move back in. You are worthy of my trust. Stop criticizing yourself from today forward. Michael, I am not going to say I know what you are going through as no two experiences are alike, but I have been through the valley of deep darkness before and I know there are not easy answers. But that is exactly what I wish for in these emotions leftover from my first love. These waves make me ache inside. Who did I think I was? I posted with some scarily bad angles and filters.